Coping with Race Day Disappointment

I completed my 5th Sheffield 10K at the weekend and I admit that I was a bit disappointed in my time.  I finished in 58.02, which is my slowest time for this race (and, I think, possibly my slowest time for any 10K race I've ever done, apart from Bolton Abbey, which doesn't count due to its chaotic nature - long queues and closed gates etc.)  I had hoped that I might at least get close to what I got last year (54 minutes)  but it just didn't happen.  Part of the problem was me starting too far back.  It meant I had a very slow start and took ages before I could overtake some slower people and finally start to get a bit of pace going.  But that alone can't explain it.  Another factor was my new trainers giving me pain in my toes.  I can't work out why, but it MUST be these shoes as I don't experience it when I wear any other shoes.  It didn't stop me running but I was conscious of it all the time and it probably stopped me pushing it as much as I could have.  Maybe I was just a bit more cautious this year.  I remember last year having a real battle about halfway when I felt totally wrecked after the big hill and very nearly ended up walking a bit.  I didn't want that to happen again so I took the hill, and in fact the long 'pre-hill', which is really a hill in itself, slower than I've done previously.  I wanted to be comfortable rather than hanging on desperately.

However, whilst a bit of post-race analysis can be constructive, I'm trying not to overthink it.  Sometimes there are lessons to learn, but you have to also just accept that some days it just isn't meant to be.  It doesn't mean you're a failure.  It doesn't mean it's all downhill from here.  It doesn't mean you are getting past it.  So, I've given myself a talking to.  I'm not going to try to pretend I'm not disappointed because I am allowed to feel disappointed.  Disappointment and how to deal with it is all part and parcel of being a runner.  Every run can't be a personal best.  It would be no fun and no challenge if it was.  There will always be some runs that don't go as well as you hoped and sometimes there's a reason for it and sometimes it just is what it is.  Over-thinking doesn't help.  But it is always a good thing to pick out the positives and to get some kind of perspective on it, so that's what I'm trying to do.

So, what about the positives?  The most obvious one is I completed the run.  I didn't have a melt down or a tantrum, I didn't quit halfway round, I didn't cross the line in tears.  I finished a tough race with dignity.  Whilst my time was 'slow' according to my own measure of what 'slow' means to me - and of course it is always relative - it was still a sub-60 10K run.  It was still a very decent run for a woman of my age (faster than 80 percent of 56 year old female runners, according to a calculation tool I've found on a running site.)  I ran the whole thing, which is always the main thing for me - again, a very personal thing.  No disrespect to those who run/walk, especially the ones who get quicker times than I do.

I did my usual thing of remembering my first ever Race for Life around 10 years ago, plodding round Sheffield with Ann at the speed of an asthmatic tortoise.  That version of me would have been staggered to think that one day, in my mid 50s, I would be running a Sheffield 10K race, that I would do that not just once but five times, all after a particularly toxic period of my life came to an end and I found a better way to live.  Of course, the fact that I'm alive and I'm healthy enough and fit enough to even take part in these grueling events is reason to feel grateful and proud. I must not compare myself unrealistically with these speedy 20-something girls or these mad men who run hundreds of miles every month.  It's not a fair comparison. In terms of my own personal running journey, I am still doing very well. 

Another joyous thing to bear in mind is that Sunday was my daughter, Beth's, first Sheffield 10K.  If I wasn't a runner, most likely Beth wouldn't be a runner either.  I felt immensely proud of her and I could see she was proud of herself.  Running is all about inspiring other people after all and I am so happy to have set a good example. Hopefully, Beth will inspire others to have a go too.

Race photos, alas, can be as punishing as the race itself and this year's were no exception.  There's nothing like a collection of deeply unflattering race pics to give your self-esteem another blow when you are already feeling like the world's most undynamic runner.  Many of mine were beyond awful.  In some I looked like I'd gone sleep-walking in the rain and woken up, dazed and confused, in the middle of the road, wondering where the hell I was.  There was one that wasn't too bad, however, and the flying feet did cheer me up a bit. The photo I prefer though is one Rory took of me and Beth afterwards with our medals.

So, there we have it.  Sheffield 10K number 5, done and dusted.  Whatever my finish time, it always feels nice to be part of this race.  It feels like a special day for the city and to be there amongst thousands of other runners does give you a nice sense of solidarity.  So, I am pretty sure I'll be back next year, although in different shoes, I might add.  Am pretty sure those pink b******s, sweet and harmless though they look, are doing my feet no favors!)